OnlineHost: Inspiration expert, Iyanla Vanzant, author of "In The Meantime," joins us tonight to give us ways to have fulfilling relationships and particularly "the love that you want." Send your questions now!
OnlineHost: Looking to find inner peace? Want to find your soul mate? In five minutes
Iyanla Vanzant will be here to answer these and many more tough questions! :-)
HarpoAce: Hi everyone! Welcome to tonight's event with empowerment specialist Iyanla Vanzant! She's here to take your questions about how to find yourself and the love you want.
HarpoAce: Hi Iyanla. Thank you for coming tonight.
IyanlaVanz: Good evening everyone! Thank you for joining us. I hope you'll be kind, and this experience is a good one. If not.... let's talk about it!
HarpoAce: Our first question for Iyanla Vanzant comes from Laugh.
Question: Hi Iyanla, just a thought! Love is when the god within one person connects with the god within another person...because god is love. Do you agree?
IyanlaVanz: Absolutely!
HarpoAce: Hi Pugavitz, here's your question.
Question: Hello, can you predict the future in the way you can tell if you will stay with a certain person you meet for live or not?
IyanlaVanz: Absolutely not!
HarpoAce: Here's your question BaLOoFuFu,
Question: Hi, I'm a 26 year-old female going on 18. I was wondering if you had any advice as to how to break out of being clueless in life and break into something that will finally "jump start" my life?
IyanlaVanz: Break into your heart and ask yourself what is it that you want. Most of us spend the majority of our lives trying to figure out what we want. It is difficult to assess that because we have been told what we should want. When we don't agree with or feel good about what we've been told we refuse to grow up.
HarpoAce: QTPie1152, here you go!
Question: The boys at my school just won't come out and tell me that they like me and I know they do. Can you please tell me what to do?
IyanlaVanz: Tell them "I know you like me." One of the keys to success in life is learning how to ask for what you want. If you have not, it is because you have asked not.
Hi MGUNI, hereÆs your question.
Question: What is the purpose of a partner wearing a mask when you meet them and eventually shedding it isnÆt that childish? Help.
IyanlaVanz: It is fear. Most of us believe that there is something wrong with us. As a result we wear a mask to hide our flaws. However, once you become intimate with another person, the mask falls away. A synonym for intimacy is ôin to me see.ö And our fear is that the people we become close to will see our flaws.
HarpoAce: Hi The urge9, thanks for coming! Here's your question for empowerment specialist Iyanla Vanzant.
Question: I know this girl I really like, and I want to ask her out, but we live like 20 minutes away from each other and we aren't old enough to have cars. I would ask her if she was close, but if I did start going out with her, I'd never see her. What should I do?
IyanlaVanz: Buy some tokens and ride the bus!
HarpoAce: ZacHa102, here you go!
Question: Do you know Oprah? Is she nice? She seems nice.
IyanlaVanz: Absolutely!
HarpoAce: Hi SMG1177, here's your question.
Question: Ms. Vanzant, do you have any suggestions for a college-aged female on how to stay focused on finding self-happiness/self-love with all of the social pressures to please others?
IyanlaVanz: Play some, pray some, get clear about what you want and go for it. People will always have advice about what you should do with your life. But, it's your life.
HarpoAce: Hi LBrock007, thanks for coming tonight, here's your question for Iyanla! :-)
Question: I'm getting divorced. "In the meantime," I've been dating, but I don't want to get involved right now. I don't feel I have it together yet. I'm enjoying my time alone but I want some fun too. Trouble is I'm attracting confused men. Do I have to get serious?
IyanlaVanz: Absolutely not! In the meantime, let them know that you know that they are confused and that you are clear. Meantime relationships do not have to evolve into lifetime relationships. A meantime relationship keeps you focused on what you want and what you do not want.
HarpoAce: PAyala154, here you go!
Question: I went to the bookstore to purchase some of your books but I noticed that they were targeted for African American women. Why not write them for all women.
IyanlaVanz: I cannot re-write them. People begin on a path and the greatest thing about a mind is that it can be changed. I had absolutely no idea that so many people would be drawn to the message. So, I wrote to and from my experience. Now, I've changed my mind.
HarpoAce: LiQuiDNeO, here's your question for Iyanla Vanzant, author of "In the Meantime."
Question: What made you write this inspiring book? What motivation did you have?
IyanlaVanz: Many, many, many meantime days and nights.
HarpoAce: Hi Asgcmg, here's your question.
Question: I find it very hard to love myself often, æcause IÆm an overweight woman. What can I do to change this?
IyanlaVanz: It is hard for us to love ourselves when we are not okay with who we are at the moment. Loving yourself is a moment by moment experience. Find those moments when you do not feel overweight. Love yourself for that moment, eventually it will feel so good you will want to spend more moments doing it.
HarpoAce: MGUNI asks us to consider a man's perspective with this question for Iyanla Vanzant,
Question: What can men do to learn how to open up and talk about their feelings? So much has been written on the silent treatment, but I just want a man to talk. Why is it so hard for them. Forget the olden days of men donÆt cry, we know they do, so please help.
IyanlaVanz: Man means mind. Men live in their minds. The mind is always trying to figure out what to do and what to say. When men learn to stop trying to figure it out, they will be who they are. And all beings have something to say.
HarpoAce: JA1461 is wondering,
Question: How does one find oneÆs self?
IyanlaVanz: Who said self was ever lost? Stop looking, start being.
HarpoAce: BELSAN EA, here's your question,
Question: Does meditation really help you clear your head or mind?
IyanlaVanz: Absolutely.
HarpoAce: Msflyzeta, here you go!
Question: Hello Iyanla. Any advice on someone who recently got engaged to a wonderful man?
IyanlaVanz: Absolutely not! LOL
HarpoAce: Sdessence here you go.
Question: Welcome Iyanla, how do you know if you have found your soul mate? I enjoyed seeing you at my church a few months ago (Agape).
IyanlaVanz: When you find them you won't ask that question.
HarpoAce: LFJONE, here you go,
Question: Are you familiar with the writings of Louise Hay and Susan Jeffers?
IyanlaVanz: Yes.
HarpoAce: Hi Ladyclasy, here's your question for Iyanla,
Question: How do you start healing and getting over a husband who cheated on you, but you have to have contact with him because you have a son with him?
IyanlaVanz: The simple answer is to forgive, forgive, forgive. The challenge is that until we forgive ourselves it is difficult to forgive another. When you can forgive yourself for not seeing the signs for picking the wrong one, and all the other things that you are probably beating yourself up for, you will have the compassion to forgive him.
HarpoAce: Princes68, you're up!
Question: I am a thirty year old woman, and I want to be in a relationship because I feel like I am missing something in my life.
IyanlaVanz: Find out what you think you are missing. Create that experience for yourself. And someone is sure to come along who is willing to share what you have created.
HarpoAce: Our next question for Iyanla Vanzant comes from ElenaNW1,
Question: How do I recognize what floor I am at, knowing I AM NOT in the basement.. (anymore) :)
IyanlaVanz: Each floor teaches specific lessons. When you can identify what you are learning or need to learn, you will know where you live. For quick reference, read the introduction [to ôIn the Meantimeö].
HarpoAce: Ashdog240 wonders,
Question: Do you have any psychic abilities to tell the future or anything to that effect?
IyanlaVanz: Nobody knows at sunrise how the day is going to end. Nobody knows at the sunset if the next day will begin. Either you'll be here or you won't.
HarpoAce: Hi PetzAhoy, thanks for joining us tonight. Here's your question for Iyanla.
Question: What do you do in your spare time?
IyanlaVanz: Shop! LOL Cook, eat, to get strength to shop some more!
HarpoAce: Tweety4y, here you go!
Question: How do make a marriage last?
IyanlaVanz: First, do no harm! If you recognize that your partner's middle name is love, the relationship will always be, whether it is a marriage or not!
HarpoAce: KVBLODGER, here you go!
Question: Hi Iyanla. What do you think about a couple who are going to get married and one person is very involved in the church and the other one rarely goes but does believe in God?
IyanlaVanz: The church is where the people are, the church is in the heart. Some people enjoy the fellowship of others, some create the fellowship for themselves. Talk about it and come up with what works.
HarpoAce: Next up for Iyanla Vanzant is Snarly101's question,
Question: I am being held back by the fear of rejection. Can you give me some advice on how to break this cycle?
IyanlaVanz: If you are not with the person you love in the first or second grade, you've already been rejected and you got over it!
HarpoAce: Hi Christof2, here you go!
Question: Do people's prejudices get in the way of racial unity?
IyanlaVanz: Absolutely!
HarpoAce: Hi PetxAhoy, here you go!
Question: Are you married? Do you have any kids?
IyanlaVanz: I am married, have three awesome kids and four grandbabies!
HarpoAce: LILozano is asking,
Question: Iyanla, will you be at the Essence Festival this year?
IyanlaVanz: Yes, July 4th.
HarpoAce: MGUNI, here you go again,
Question: Do you ask for what you want?
IyanlaVanz: All the time!
HarpoAce: AWillia3, here you go!
Question: Where will you be appearing over the next month? Any book signings or seminars?
IyanlaVanz: I will be at the Essence Festival on the 4th. No book signings, I just completed a 3 and 1/2 month tour. I will be appearing on my nightgown on my porch!
HarpoAce: Hi AskDMR, thanks for coming, here's your question.
Question: Iyanla, how do you let go of a soul mate?
IyanlaVanz: Gently. Remembering all of the good times and how wonderful this person has been in your life.
HarpoAce: SLCOUSINS, you're up!
Question: Hi. Love your book. My Question is do you have any suggestion on how to quiet the mind in meditation
IyanlaVanz: Breathe consciously. Follow the rhythm of your inhale and exhale. Regulate by counting evenly on the inhale and the exhale.
HarpoAce: ZacHa102, you're up!
Question: Is your work depressing at points or stressful?
IyanlaVanz: Not stressful, never depressing. The stress comes in wanting to provide excellence to those you know are trusting your work. Which is why I always write to myself. I simply let others read what I need to know.
HarpoAce: Welcome Alien64! You've got the next question for Iyanla Vanzant.
Question: Iyanla, see, me and my girlfriend have been dating for 5 years and we are
getting married in the year 2000, and me and her both are virgins, and I don't know how to tell she is the one for me.
IyanlaVanz: You don't know? I surely don't know!
HarpoAce: A340CUDA, here you go!
Question: When you feel that you love someone but they don't return the feeling, what is the best way to over come it and move on?
IyanlaVanz: Give the love to yourself. Love for the sake of loving, not as a way to get something in return.
HarpoAce: Next up, Snake NCC!
Question: Why is it that when you are in a long term relationship no one understands when the relationship is over?
IyanlaVanz: Do you understand? If you understand why are you polling the public?
HarpoAce: Pamsel, you're up!
Question: My sweetheart died two years ago. How do I get over the fear to open my heart again?
IyanlaVanz: By opening your heart. The only way to a new and greater experience is to walk through the fear.
HarpoAce: KARR1967, here you go!
Question: Hi, the guy that I was dating recently thought I did not care about him because if he did little things I would not yell and scream at him. How do I get across to him that in order for me to show my love that does not mean I have to berate him?
IyanlaVanz: People live according to the patterns in which they grew up. Invite him to join you in creating a new pattern. A pattern where love is kind and gentle and accepting.
HarpoAce: Gtahavfth, you're up!
Question: My question is that I am very smart, beautiful, sassy, but overweight. People feel compelled to remind me of that. How do I keep up my self-esteem when I am so often put down?
IyanlaVanz: In you're very smart, sassy, beautiful way let them know you know and that you are working on it. Always thank them for sharing.
HarpoAce: Our next question for Iyanla Vanzant comes from Ashdog240,
Question: What do you think the actual sensation of love feels like?
IyanlaVanz: Pizza! Hot, soft, gooey and good!
HarpoAce: Hi Robinowit, you've got the last question for Iyanla,
Question: Thanks for the opportunity to chat... What about when you are too scared to go through the leaving... but know that is what you should do?
IyanlaVanz: When you are ready to move, you move. You will not move until you are ready.
HarpoAce: Unfortunately, that's all the time we have with Iyanla tonight!
IyanlaVanz: Be blessed! In the meantime, don't forget that you are the most important person in your life!
HarpoAce: If you missed any part of tonight's inspiring event with Iyanla Vanzant, check Oprah Online tomorrow for the transcript! Have a good night everyone! Be blessed! :-)
